DESPERATELY WANTED! Job Applicants Who Aren’t Stupid

silkroad.v.5e_100

I’m looking to hire an additional recruiter for my team – business is brisk, we are growing, blah, blah, blah.

We’ve been in business 31 years, profitable all 31 years. Part of that profitability is we don’t overpay for talent.

That is a good way of saying we’ve been very good at hiring entry-level college kids and turning them into very good recruiters. Basically, I have some upfront investment into teaching them the trade, and that investment pays off in the long run.

I hear that there are millions of people out of work. What I don’t see are people who actually want to work to get paid. I wrote a job description, qualifications, etc. and put it up on one of the Big Job Boards to see what I would get.

Here’s the job description:

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Technical Recruiter:

What the heck is a Technical Recruiter? We find great talent for our client companies. You need to be part private investigator, part blood hound and part jealous girlfriend – basically you will be using the training we give you to out out and find Rock Stars – the best of the best – in the fields of engineering and Information Technology.

You spend a lot of time on the phone and on the Internet tracking down and networking to find these types of folks. Then once you find them – you put them through the 3rd Degree on why they might be good enough to get passed onto to our client. It’s a fast pace environment and every day you never know what you’re going to run into.

Why this might be for you?

    1. You’re smart (i.e., you have a Bachelor’s Degree – no, a real bachelor’s degree, not one out of the back of an airline magazine)
    2. You’re are self motivated (Look, we don’t want to babysit you, we’re busy – you need to be able to push yourself)
    3. You can take rejection (Recruiting isn’t easy – you spend all day tracking down the perfect candidate and they tell you to take a hike – that’s life – time to put on the big boy/big girl pants)
    4. You’re a networker (this means you have probably have more than 1000 Facebook/Instagram/Twitter Friends combined – and most actually know who you are and haven’t blocked you)

Requirements

Ok, Let’s recap – here’s what you need to work here:

    1. Smarts – Bachelor’s Degree
    2. Motivation – I want to be successful, and willing to do more than show up and wait for someone to give me a trophy
    3. Business sense – we negotiate and sell all day – that’s the real world. We sell people on why they should want to go to work for a company, and we sell the company on why they need the person we have. It’s fun!
    4. Guts. Yeah, that’s right – you are going to have to pick up the phone and talk to real people that you don’t know – pretty scary, right? – you mean I just can’t text them? No.

This a Big Girl job – business cards, you’re own phone extension, 1 hour lunch breaks. Welcome to the show. We expect that you’ll actually work

If you send me your resume and you don’t have all the stuff above – we might ridicule you publicly on our blog. The End.

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Seems pretty straightforward right? You need to be outgoing and have a BACHELOR’s Degree – and probably a sense of humor. If you don’t have that, don’t send me a resume.

Guess what I got from my ad?

  • Some 19 responses with resume.
  • Of the 19 – 6 had a bachelors degree (No, having 82 credits towards a bachelor’s degree does not constitute you having a bachelor’s degree).
  • Six (6) were female, 13 were male – 4 out of 6 females met the requirement, which tells me females are less stupid than males.
  • One female was currently a licensed attorney with her JD, which tells me all I need to know about that profession right now.

We don’t have a jobs problem in this country; we have a candidate problem. People are mostly stupid. Employers don’t want to hire stupid people.

So, I’ll ask you – my overly smart and snarky readers – was I clear enough on my “Job Descriptions and Qualifications” on what I was looking for?

This originally appeared on the blog The Tim Sackett Project.

  • webhead2

    Desperately wanted! Employers who aren’t assholes and pay more than poverty level!

  • E. Jones

    Where is your Bachelor’s Degree?

    “business cards, you’re own phone extension”

    You are own phone extension?